I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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