Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize