i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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