I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I did not marry a roomba.
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