I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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