I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
