She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
