Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dear god my vagina.
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