i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
