shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize