Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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