Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
