why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
