dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
