So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
