somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A+ Viking dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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