it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I am one with the molecules
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize