Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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