yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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