I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
