he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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