Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize