somebody snuck up and got me drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
