remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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