It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
