you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Terrible idea I love it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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