She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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