Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
