i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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