I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
