she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
time to smoke my breakfast
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
