so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Every concussion has its silver lining
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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