Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I love having hate sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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