i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
smell my finger.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize