Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
