This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
