After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
