I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
