she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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