So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize