i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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