sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
