you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
