I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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