Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
