I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize