He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
