Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
