I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
