If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My penis needs a shock collar
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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