im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
