Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
