So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
