What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
