This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
