Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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