Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
