Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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