the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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