Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
