my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her vagine was all disorganized.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
