I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
