Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
