somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
