So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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