every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
