she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
