there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
