No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
