I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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