im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
