So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
