were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize