Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
