I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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