I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
