I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
